Rebbetzin’s Corner
April 372, 2020
The other day, your rabbi was making some challah toast for herself. August is watching, totally rapt. I come in the kitchen and he says to me, with authentic astonishment in his voice, “Daddy, Mommy can cut bread! Look, she’s cutting bread! Did you know that Mommy can cut bread?!”
So apparently the kids have picked up on who’s responsible for the cooking around here.(n.1) And boy, am I cooking. Three meals a day for four people each meal is… hang on, let me do the math…carry the two… a truckload of extra cooking compared to the mere easy-peasy dinner every night those of us with care of our kitchens were doing in the Before.
So the rabbi thought sharing a recipe might help people through these tough times, and (you can thank her later) decided to have me do it rather than taking on the task herself. When coming up with a meal that won’t bore the family to tears is harder than a Zoom seder and the Jews in your house start whining about how good the cucumbers tasted back in Egypt, it’s time to stretch out and try something new. So here goes, and I hope you like it as much as our family did!(n.2)
Salmon en Croute with Seasonal Salad and Fresh Sourdough Garlic Bread,
a là maison
Ingredients:
1.5 lb fresh Pacific wild-caught salmon
1 packet yeast
3 cups bread flour
8 oz unsalted high-fat butter
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp baking powder
1 tsp Himalayan sea salt
2 tbsp sugar, but it must be organic ultra-fine
2 eggs
1 pomegranate
36 oz baby spinach (use within first 30 seconds to avoid decay)
2 Bosc pears
27 kernels of corn
½ asparagus
1 slinky toy, untwisted
Directions:
1. Realize at 5:30pm that the Shipt shopper has replaced your salmon order with a single filet of tilapia, and that it’s entirely hard as a rock because you failed to defrost it six hours ago. Pat dry.
2. Dust a clean, dry surface with flour. Review Joan Nathan’s recipe for the pastry dough you need to wrap the fish in. Realize it extends over several pages and the last page includes the instruction “Refrigerate overnight.” Think about sending the kids up for a bath after they somehow rolled(?) themselves in the flour dusting, but realize it’s not worth it.
3. In a large bowl, mix the salad ingredients. You will find that instead of any of the ingredients specified, what you actually have is half a bag of frozen kale. Discard the stems and leaves—unless you are a kohen, in which case you must burn them.
4. Place the yeast and sugar in a cup of warm water. Naturally, no yeast is available at the grocery store, but lucky you, yeast is wild and in the air all around us! So just put out flour, water, and sugar in an open jar for 24 hours. When it’s bubbling and your time machine(n.3) is complete, retrieve the yeast from tomorrow.
5. Dust the table with flour again. Around now is when the Manischewitz is starting to look quaffable. Drink wine while worrying that doing so reduces your immune response. Wipe off the flour.
6. Tell the kids what’s for supper. The one who ate two and a half pounds of tilapia for lunch yesterday: “I only like salmon! I won’t eat it!” The one who does not know enough to ask: bawls inconsolably while eating your last stick of butter with both hands.
7. Put a pot of water on to boil for boxed mac n’ cheese. This is a good time to do some self-care by watching a short but soothing, peaceful show on Netflix. I recommend the new season of Fauda.
8. Instead of using milk and butter for a rich, creamy sauce, try accidentally pouring the cheese powder directly into the boiling water with the unstrained macaroni. Serve while reminding the kids to eat quickly because it’s already an hour past their bedtime.
And finally, enjoy! As the gemara teaches, don’t forget to find the silver lining!(n.4) Every crisis is an opportunity!
--Rebbetzin Long
n. 1 Don’t worry, though, I got back at Auggie with a haircut that would make Delilah feel embarrassed for me. Let’s just say his corona ’do turned out to be a corona don’t.
n. 2 You know what’s really helpful? I mean, you know what you reaaaaally love the most when you have a non-uninterrupted half an hour to make dinner and you’re desperately googling for ideas? A three-paragraph narrative intro before the recipe, that’s what.
n. 3 Use the straightened slinky to build this item, because just like in the Torah, time in real life could use a little help getting back to linear.
n. 4 But don’t drink silver solution, no matter what the TV preacher says. Cf. Sanhedrin 21b:14 (“Silver was not worth anything…”)